| Hard to say goodbye, when you never said hello... |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|09:54 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  disbelieving | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | "Blue Lagoon" -Phil Keaggy | ] |
How to describe him?
The big brother I never wanted.
How did he describe me?
L.G. - "Little Girl." HIS little girl.
But I wasn't. At least, I sure didn't want to be. I despised him for so long that sometimes I forgot that I did. And then, I loved him. He became my brother. I trusted him. Sure, he had his quirks. But he was always pretty funny. And he dealt with me trying to kick and/or punch him constantly when I was about 12. I wanted, more than anything, for Daddy to tell him to leave me alone. But he never did. Because it was good for me. I needed to learn to love people who weren't easy to love. But, once I started trying, it wasn't hard. He had a great personality. But, now he's Home.
Jason, I'll miss you. God knows I miss you...
Love, your LG |
|
|
| The End. |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|09:08 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  fed up | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | "Relient" advice... | ] |
Should I start this song off with a question?
Should I say what's on my mind?
~
This speech is merely words
It's even worse because it rhymes
Give me a minute of your time
I'll have a minute of your time
~
Feelings inside my head
I don't know but I'm thinking about you
Understand that it's so hard to tell you
Because you already know
You already know
~
Pardon me while I throw up
I guess some people never grow up
What happened to the salvation you claimed?
It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed!
~
By the wayside we fell.
He said, "It's My way or the highway to hell."
Are you with Me or against Me?
Noticed you're sitting on the fence
Wondered why you're not cut and dry
You've got to choose our side and live or their side and die
Which hand holds your soul. Do you want to guess one?
If that scares you to death may that be a lesson.
It's your decision: make it the best one.
~
And I can't make this click.
And I can't tatoo your mind.
But you know this ain't no trick.
To get it, leave it all behind.
~
Gave my advice, done all I can.
But it's your life, it's in your hands...
allisonkparks@gmail.com
I love you. Good bye.
|
|
|
| I graduated. |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  finished with high school! | ] |
So, yesterday was graduation. Not a huge deal, I really don't think. I'll have a much more satisfied feeling about graduting from college, when I get a degree instead of a silly diploma. Honestly, I don't feel like I worked all that hard to get to where I am today. I mean, I sure hope I have to work harder in college. I have very little doubt that that will come to pass. But, I'll enjoy it.
I'm not sure how much longer I'll update this. I have my facebook account, and I can stay in touch with people that way. I'll post every once in a while, I'm sure, and I'll keep reading about all of ya'll, but I've pretty much outgrown the obsession I used to have with this. If I post frequently, it'll probably be sections of a story I'm writing. So, until next time, and then, adios. |
|
|
| Tossing and turning, helpless in the flood... |
[Jun. 6th, 2005|08:31 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | "Breakaway" | ] |
Emotion.
Is that as non-descriptive as I can be?
Does comprehension really matter, or does hope overturn? Who knows.
Love matters in the long run, as well as the short.
But then again, sprints are generally easier than endurance.
But what does standing still accomplish?
Nothing. Or everything.
Does patience account for delay?
Do delays make up for suppression?
Or is it suffocation... |
|
|
| The end is near... |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|01:18 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | "Good Riddance" -Green Day | ] |
Senior class picture and awards were yesterday. I'm a non-incidental person, so I didn't get anything. Oh well. So few days left, and my emotions are indescribable. I feel sad, because this is a huge ending to a chapter in my life. But, at the same time, that same reason excites me. I can't wait to go to college, because I welcome the change and opportunity, but I know there are so many relationships that will end immediately following graduation. It's not tragic- it's just disillusioning. People have graduated for centuries now, and none of them died because they had to move on. So, I'm not horribly worried about it. I'd like to stay in touch with as many people as possible, but I won't die without the 200+ acquaintances I've known. Sorry if that upsets anyone...
Two things I hate about rain, and the rain yesterday multiplied this anger:
1) When it rains, the low-quality asphalt paint that makes up the lines on the road nearly disappears, due to reflections. I can't stand that. I'm sure people have died because of this.
2)By Virginia State Law, you are required to have your headlights on if your windshield wipers are on. I met more than 30 cars on the road in yesterday's downpours that failed to acknowledge this fact. It ticks me off. It's freaking hard to see oncoming cars in the rain when they don't have their lights on. I watched a collision almost happen yesterday when a silver Honda Odyssey did not have their lights on and was nearly T-boned at an intersection because the car in front of me DIDN'T SEE THEM! Bah! I drive with my lights on all the time. It keeps me from ever forgetting to turn them on in the rain. There's my soapbox for the day. I'll probably start a petition for VDOT about the road lines. Doubt it'll do anything, but it's worth a try. |
|
|
| For your sacrifices and my freedom...I thank you. |
[May. 30th, 2005|10:37 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  wondering | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | Thursday | ] |
It's really hard to believe that Baccalaureate is in six days. It's just insane. And then, to think that graduation is just six days after that... blows my mind.
My weekend was interesting. The dance recital Friday was awesome. Lauren, Jennie, Jessica, you rocked my socks! Saturday was work, and some girl-time with Tabitha. Saturday was also Ryan's 20th birthday. He, Rianna, and I went to Milan's. I had never had Indian food before, but I surprisingly enjoyed it very much. Then he and I came back here, where Tabitha had beaten me home and watched Phantom.
Yesterday was boring enough. I did end up going to Robbie's house for an hour or so after church. That wasn't as congruously boring as the rest of the day.
And now it's Memorial Day. So, I'll spend the day doing yard work. Anna, I feel your pain. Don't eat grass though... Too much fiber. |
|
|
| Life goes on... |
[May. 26th, 2005|10:42 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  don't care anyomore | ] |
So few days left to care about anything. I haven't the slightest idea what to think about most things in my life now.
Work pretty much sucks without Robbie on Thursdays. I mean, Ben is great and all, but I feel pretty weird talking to him.
Reading a great book called "Patriot's Dream." It's got an original plot, and I'm a sucker for historical romance. It's about the Revolutionary War. That book was the only high point of my life today.
I love Phantom of the Opera. In case anyone had forgotten, I'll remind you. I really love it. And I should fight Danny Evans to the death! Grrr... |
|
|
| Revival, relationships, and revelations |
[May. 22nd, 2005|09:27 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| | fluxuating | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | Mae- "The Everglow" | ] |
Since Thursday, I have entered a zone of confusion. I don't know what I really want anymore. But, perhaps I can talk myself into a decision.
This weekend was refreshing. Friday, after wanting to kill myself out of boredom with my dinner utensils at Timberlake's banquet, I got to spend some time with Tabitha. We've talked more and spent more time together in the past week than we had spent in the entire school year. It was enjoyable.
I really have been struggling with my medicine. It keeps dropping my blood pressure to the point where I'm at risk of passing out. Breathing becomes nearly impossible during this time, which increases my chances of losing consciousness. I'm not enjoying it. And my pulse still races during all of this. So, I'm not sure it's doing anything. I just wish he knew what was wrong... |
|
|
| Matters of the heart... in this case, the physical one. |
[May. 18th, 2005|04:58 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| | frustrated and impressed | ] |
Well, I went to the cardiologist yesterday. He once again reviewed the strips from the heart monitor I wore back before prom, and decided to put me on a beta blocker, which is more guaranteed to work than a calcium channel blocker, but has some side effects. I'm probably going to be more drained than usual for the next two weeks. I'm not looking forward to that, but, hey, I need to get better.
I've been think lately. Probably entirely too much, but I do it anyway. I've decided that if there is going to be anything between Robbie and I, then he's going to have to make it happen. The ball's in his court. I'm sick and tired of always being the one that's trying so hard to make it work. I guess I'm talking about us like we're dating, which we're not. But, I had the impression a few weeks ago that that was the direction he wanted to head with this. Maybe I was wrong. I don't know. It's up to him where this goes from here, though, because I'm sick and tired of trying. There's no reason I should have to contribute more than 50%. And that's all there is to it.
Graduation gradually draws nearer and nearer. I'm ready, but not for the responsibility. I feel like my parents have finally kind of realized that I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm eighteen. They know that they've taught me all they can, and what happens from this point are the decisions I make and the consequences for which I am responsible. Sure, they can punish me. They pretty much can until I graduate in '09, since they're paying for college. I don't know. I almost want to try harder to maintain their approval now, since it's a choice and not an obligation. I love my parents, I really do. I want them to know it by my actions, though. |
|
|
| Icing on the cake... |
[May. 16th, 2005|06:59 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Today was so much fun! I slept until 9:30. Then I went shopping with Meg. We went to lunch at Olive Garden, and then went to a couple of stores. I was a happy camper, except that I ate way too much at OG and then I felt fat while I tried on clothes. But, it's okay, because I found a shirt and a skirt, and my baccalaureate dress. It's freaking awesome! And I'll pull a Lauren, and not tell anyone about it. And you can just see it on June 5th. So there! Now I'm happy. Because I have an awesome dress. And I had an awesome birthday yesterday, after the drama of the morning. The party last night was short, but fun. My friends have awesome tastes! Thank you for all of my pretty presents!
I will see you tomorrow. I love you.
Happy 20th Birthday, Robbie! |
|
|
| Sweet Eighteen... |
[May. 15th, 2005|03:58 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| | I love you! | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | "If I Never Knew You" | ] |
Well, it's finally my birthday. It's been kind of overshadowed by Bobby Hartman's death, but rightfully so. This morning was amazing, though. Eight of Bobby's family members were saved at church. I was nearly sobbing. Kassie Hartman became a Christian this morning. Her brother's death has broken her. But even so, I think she's still stronger than I would be. I can't even imagine if I had lost my brother. I wouldn't want to breathe anymore; I love him so much. I gave Ryan a hug this morning and just cried. He had no idea why, but I needed to be near him, and know that he was alright, and tell him that I love him.
Being 18 is not really all that special. I guess I can sign for all my own stuff now, and get a credit card, and a cell phone plan that's actually worth having. And buy cigarettes, and lotto tickets. (woot) Nothing will change for me, since I live at home, and my parents are paying for my college. I will still have major rules, like I have now. I'm still their daughter, under their roof and rules. So, woodihoo.
Hope to see everyone tonight! Love you all! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2005|07:40 pm] |
|
I didn't really want to post an entire entry on this, but, now that I've finally figured out how to change pictures, how do I get it set up so that I can use different pictures for entries than comments? |
|
|
| Rain on my parade... and socks. |
[May. 13th, 2005|09:37 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  ACK! I don't have a face! | ] |
I confess, I am a livejournal slacker. I don't enjoy being too busy to even update. But, such is life.
I am beginning to truly loathe my job. My boss needs to pull his head out of his butt! I'm so sick of being chewed out whenever he so desires. It's not fun. And there's something about his voice that makes me so angry and scared at the same time... I don't know what that means, but, whatever. He better be in a good mood tomorrow, or I will seriously consider walking out. I have niether time nor patience for controlling my temper if he goes off on me then.
Tomorrow is Liberty's graduation. Congratulations, Jenni! Huge shindig at my uncle and aunt's house in the afternoon, which will involve a majority of my extended family. That will be entertaining, and exhausting. It celebrates numerous occasions, including multiple graduations and birthdays.
Saw Phantom once more on the big screen. I can't even describe what a fantastic movie it really is. I know it's my all-time favorite, and if I don't get it on DVD for my birthday, I think I shall cry.
Doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I might update before then, but might not. I'm sure I will as soon as I get any more news as to what in the world's wrong with my heart.
I'm definitely ready for mid-August when I can move OUT! |
|
|
| Wandering fiddler...in the rain? |
[May. 7th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| | look at the little hearts! | ] |
Phantom party last night was AMAZING! I love Gerard Butler. He's really freaking hot! And I know we all agree.
I worked this morning. Nothing eventful, really. Kind of busy. But no Chuck-screaming-fests. Those are usually pretty frequent. I shouldn't speak too quickly, though, since I have to work tomorrow. Grr.
I went to see "Fiddler on the Roof" at TCS tonight. It was really pretty good. No offense to ANYONE!, but their play went a little smoother than ours did. I sincere;y loved "Footloose," but these guys were really, really good! So, yes. I spent lots of time driving back around Rainbow Forest too. But that's a detail that can easily be overlooked... Robbie saved us, though. We could have died. No, not so much. But, either way, I used a lot of gas just wandering around in the rain.
Church tomorrow. And perhaps voice lessons. And work. And church again. And sleep.
And now, for some Zzz's. |
|
|
| Control? Check... |
[May. 6th, 2005|06:37 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  relieved | ] |
This weekend is Mother's Day. I have to work. Not cool. However, I did get my mom something pretty nifty, it's just not going to be here until next week. That sucks, but it'll be worth it.
In other breaking news, I officially am DONE with school. After turning in that English project yesterday, I have completely shut down. Maybe not the greatest idea, but totally true.
Not sure where things stand with Robbie and me, at this point. I'm enjoying talking to him more. And getting a hug before I go home after work is quite enjoyable, as well. So, I think that hits all the high points of this week.
Phantom party tonight! Woohoo! |
|
|
| Almost there... |
[May. 2nd, 2005|01:00 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | Watchman | ] |
Well, last six-weeks at the old JF. Can't believe that graduation is almost tangible. I can seriously almost taste it. Well, kind of. I think it'd be hard to taste a day, but if I could, I would taste graduation. And it would taste like black material, and money, and lots of cards, and lots of cake. Yes. That's what June 11th will taste like.
Only 13 days until my eighteenth birthday! Exciting stuff. I don't think I'm doing anything extravagant, even though I guess it is a big birthday year. I don't care. I'm too ready to be in college...
As for other news, it's gross outside. It's supposed to be May, but it's not May weather. I'm pretty unhappy with that. I want to not be cold all the time, but I don't want to be wearing millions of layers of clothes. Speaking of clothes, I hope I get lots of new ones for my birthday. Maybe my mom will read this and see my request... I can only hope.
Mother's Day this Sunday. Don't forget! |
|
|
| Ahh, normality... and anticipation. |
[May. 1st, 2005|01:53 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| | content | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | Watchman, Tell Us Of The Night | ] |
Well, this morning was Anniversary Sunday at Living Word. We had a special speaker come. He was pretty good. I love my Pastor Suitt, but this guy was good, too. Then lunch afterward. That's always spectacular.
I have this weird desire to watch Cinderella, but I don't have it...
So, now I've run around and done millions of errands. And talked to Robbie for a while. That was pretty enjoyable. I need to find out if I have voice lessons tonight. So, I think I'll go check on that. |
|
|
| Monotony... too many o's |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|06:58 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | My Tune |
| | Maroon 5 | ] |
I have become slightly less religious about updating, and I apologize. I want school to end, and summer to end, and college to start. I don't like this weird stage of life, holding you gingerly between childhood and adulthood. It's just silly.
What is up with this un-spring-like weather? I'm not enjoying it. Then again, I have allergies, so I wouldn't enjoy a real spring either. But, oh well. I'm sure there's a reason for it. Or (dun dun dun), maybe it's global warming! What a crock...
Alas, I am not dressed, and need to get ready for school. But, at least it's Friday...? |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chiclet8705's journal
ready for FL!